This November I will be 58 years old, the final kick towards 60. Previously, entering a new decade in my life has not been a big deal. There were no introspection or lamentations of what might have been, nor were there anxieties about fulfilling the potentials of a new decade. I suspect 60 will be much different than my earlier age milestones. For one, I plan to retire from my current job of 25 years. This is a major life anchor I will be pulling up and I am already asking myself what I have accomplished in those 25 years, both in my work life and life outside of work. Have I lived a fulfilled life thus far? Do I have regrets about the decisions I have made, and the opportunities that I have missed? Without this anchor, I am also feeling much angst about the uncertainties of the future. Will I just drift where the current takes me whether I like it or not? Or would I take stock of my passions and dreams and find ways to make them happen?
I am generally a cautious person. I tend to over analyze, and after much mental consternation I usually end up where I started. I also have fears and anxieties that often dominate my decision making process, often times stopping me from pursuing what I really want out of life. A major anxiety is that I will never have enough money, and this particular anxiety have been a major obstacle in me living and enjoying a fully experiential life.
Now, let me introduce you to Mr. Todou. Tudou means potato in Mandarin. That was his intended name, blame it on a typo for his current moniker. He is my alter ego. Beside similarities in age, ethnicity and a few minor physical traits, Mr. Todou and I share very little else in common, especially personality characteristics. I tend to reside in the background and avoid attention, Mr. Todou craves the spotlight. I tend to worry about what others think of me, Mr. Todou does not let other peoples opinions dictate his decisions. I think and worry about my past and future, Mr. Todou is always in the present, lives for the moment and puts a premium on what life has to offer. Also, he never worries about money.
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